Kelsey Forbes holds a portrait of her grandmother, Doreen. The framed photo was taken while Doreen was a senior in high school.
"Hideous"
"Disgusting"
"Ugly"
A few of the words my grandmother uses to describe herself when she sees her reflection
Doreen Forbes gives a big smile as her son, Christopher, places a supportive hand on her shoulder. With her age and physical health, her energetic expression and smile takes an immense amount of energy. And just moments before, she had been asleep.
Male and female beauty standards differ on many points, but agree youth is the key ingredient.
Many grow self-conscious as they age. For some, every reflection is a reminder that they are no longer the young, vibrant person they had been before, and they despise their appearance for it.
Doreen, now 84, suffers from Alzheimer's and lives in BellTower Health and Rehabilitation Center, a nursing home, in Mishawaka, IN. Despite having forgotten key moments from her life, such as some emotional memories of her deceased husband, she still remembers that she is not the youthful beauty championed by society and media.
And when she sees her reflection, she often hates it.
Doreen Forbes smiles at a joke made by her son, Christopher, in her nursing home room.
Doreen Forbes, left, listens intently to a story while her daughter-in-law, Carrie Erlin, applies a coat of primer to her fingernails in her nursing home room. Stuffed animals sit on shelves in the background from various birthdays and Christmases.
As her grandson, It hurts to watch a woman I have loved and revered all my life dislike such an important part of herself.
I asked my family to join me in hosting a small family visit and "spa day" for her, and we sent out into a freak-November blizzard that covered the Midwest. In my grandmother’s small room, my mother painted her nails and applied some lipstick just for fun while my father and sister came to curate the vibe.
Soon we were cracking jokes, telling stories and listening to Christmas music as large snowflakes fell gently outside.
The small family gathering brought so much joy, not only to Doreen but to everyone.
Doreen, like many afflicted with Alzheimer’s, became dependent on her son, Christopher, for support and stability since September 2024. For more than a year, her son has cared for her every chance he could and made time when he could not.
Seeing his mother happy meant more than words.
Christopher Forbes laughs with his mother, Doreen, as she gets a manicure.
Doreen Forbes shows off her newly painted nails to her friend, Eileen, who she met in the nursing home. Eileen gushed over Forbes’ painted nails.
Nursing homes are often unclean and bleak. Within their inescapable halls, locked doors and weird smell, joy is sometimes hard to find, but contagious whenever it is near.
When Eileen, Doreen's friend who lives just a few doors down the hall, came to visit her, joy infected her too.
I cannot say for certain whether the new nails or lipstick made Doreen feel more confident, beautiful or youthful. Even if it did, she would not remember it for long.
But while she listened to our jokes and conversations as my mother filed, coated and painted, I saw that joy was the key — not youth, smooth skin or spryness.
And when the time came to take a final photo, she did not hesitate to flash that big, laughing smile I remembered from childhood.
My grandmother looks more beautiful than ever.
Doreen Forbes smiles for a photo while looking through a handheld mirror.
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